Behind Happy Eyes
by Jack Stall
Summary: Seth's life used to be a good one until a series of events changed him. What kind of life does he live behind happy eyes?
1. The Beginning Of My End

I do not own any of the recognizable characters presented in this story. No copyright infringement is intended. All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

Takes place right after the end of Eclipse.

* * *

This is a story about a boy named Seth Clearwater. When most people think of him, they see a smiley, happy-go-lucky kid. Even Edward was quoted as saying he has one of the most kindest, purest minds he's ever read.

But what if Seth wasn't really as cheerful and happy as his outward appearance led people to believe?

This a sad story about the boy behind happy eyes.

* * *

My life used to be a good one. I was your run-of-the-mill 14 year old. I played videogames, hung out with my friends, you know, the works. It was about the time that Sam entered the picture that my life started to go downhill. Of course, it was Jacob that really changed my life.

But first, more about my good life.

I had a mom, a dad, and a sister and we were all happy people. I know what you're thinking. 'Your sister? Leah? The bitter harpy?' Leah used to be one of the happiest people I knew, if you can believe that. Happier than me even.

We had the good life for a long time, then along came Sam. Sam Uley. He and my sister started dated for a while and things were going really great. That was, of course, until our cousin came to visit. That was the beginning of my life's end.

One fateful day, Emily Young came to visit me and my family. When she got to the house, Sam happened to be there at the time. Worst. Experience. Ever. Sam took one look at Emily and imprinted on her.

Imprinting. A horrible word. A horrible event. Imprinting is the sole reason my life sucked so badly.

As you all know, Sam is a werewolf. A shape-shifter, if you want to get technical. Imprinting is when the werewolf sees the person they are 'meant' to be with. It's like soul mates but much, much worse (in my experiences anyway).

Sam broke, no, _destroyed_ Leah's heart by imprinting on Emily. The worst part for Sam was that he wasn't allowed to explain why he suddenly left her for Emily. It was a wolf secret and at the time neither Leah or I were in the pack, so we both grew to resent Sam and everything he did.

After that incident, Leah turned into the person you think of whenever someone says bitch. She was miserable for the longest time and when she finally got over her depression, she was never the same. She was cold-hearted.

As if our lives couldn't get worse, our father died of a heart attack when I was turned 14. That was a very stressful time for all of us, especially Leah. We both lost a part of ourselves that day.

To make that whole situation even worse, the stress we felt from Dad's death was the catalyst for our first transformation into becoming a werewolf, for us joining Sam's wolf pack. You can imagine how happy that made Leah.

As wolves, we had a direct link to each other's thoughts. It was a really bizarre sensation to hear other people's thoughts inside you own head. Leah constantly had mental images of how much Sam loved Emily bombarding her conscious mind. It wasn't really Sam's fault, as I soon discovered, keeping your thoughts off of those you imprint on was very, very hard.

I know what you're thinking again. 'Wait, wait, wait. You imprinted too? When? On who?' Stop interrupting me. I'm getting to that, keep your pants on.

Soon after Leah discovered our mental connection to the pack, she soon found a way to torture Sam and the rest of the pack as well. She would constantly remind Sam of what he did to her, how he broke her heart. Sam felt really bad about what he did. Believe me, I have a direct line to how he feels. Leah has that connection to Sam too, but she doesn't seem to care.

Let's take a minute and review, shall we? Let's look at the contributing factors to my sad life. You've got the Leah and Sam thing, losing my dad, being forced into becoming a monster and the stresses that come with that, and Leah's revenge on Sam via our thoughts.

You might be thinking that it doesn't sound that bad. It got worse.

I know, you're probably dying to know who I imprinted on and why you never heard about it. I'll tell you. Jacob-fucking-Black.

'You imprinted on Jacob? How come we never knew? Aren't the imprint and the werewolf supposed to fall in love and life happily ever after?' Yes, I imprinted on Jacob. No one knows besides Sam. I had to tell him. As soon as it happened, I was so scared I had no where else to turn. I didn't tell Jacob yet because he's so hung up on Bella. And now that he's run off, I couldn't tell him anyway.

That's not true. I recently got a letter in the mail from Jacob. It was in a plain white envelope, with one word on the front. _Seth._

I was walking to get the mail like I normally did a certain smell caught my attention. It smelled musky and woodsy, mixed with the smell of earth. It was an intoxicating aroma. The aroma of Jacob Black.

He had to have been here. It was the only conclusion I could draw. In that one moment of my heart fluttering, I felt happy. The emotion that truly matched the expression I wore on my face at all times. I had to make everyone think I was happy, I don't know why. I just had to.

In that brief instant I thought maybe Jacob was nearby, I was dying to see him. Almost literally dying to see him. One terrible side effect of imprinting is you hurt when you are apart from who you've imprinted on.

I quickly dismissed the thought of him being here when I noticed how faded the scent really was. He was long gone. Again…

I opened the mailbox and the scent grew stronger. With a new found urgency, I looked through the useless pieces of mail until I saw one with Jacob's glorious handwriting. I smiled hugely and ran inside the house, leaving a trail of unwanted letters behind me.

I got to my room and slammed the door shut. I leaned my back against it and slid down, holding the envelope out in front of me. For a few seconds I let my mind wander, thinking of all the marvelous things the letter could say. Before I got too carried away, I shook my head, thinking there is no way Jacob would ever want to be with me.

I flipped the envelope over and opened it, taking out a folded piece of paper. I looked at the page, running my fingers over the letters that Jacob had written, before I started reading.

_Seth, You're the only one I can trust to not try to bring me back, so you're the only one I can trust with this letter. I need some real food. These small animals I'm forced to eat really aren't doing it for me._

I laughed at the mental image of Jacob as a big, russet wolf trying to catch a bunny rabbit.

_Bring me something to eat. Knowing you, you'll probably want to bring me clothes or something. I don't want them. I'm sticking to this whole 'living like an animal thing'. Well, aside from asking you for food. Don't tell anyone. Head to the river and run north for 15 miles. I'll be there. -Jacob_

I smiled as I finished reading the letter. I was going to get to see Jacob. That feeling of happiness engulfed me again. I stood up and headed to the kitchen to prepare some food to bring to him. As I made sandwiches, I started thinking. I needed to tell him. Maybe he'll let me come visit him more if he knows that it kills me to be away from him.

The idea of getting to see Jacob more often made me pretty happy. I put the sandwiches, a big bag of chips, and some sodas into a plastic bag and headed outside. I walked over to the woods surrounding my house and took off my shorts, tying them to my leg. Focusing on the heat in my core, my body exploded outwards into the form of a wolf. I picked up the bag of food with my mouth and headed for the river.

As I neared the river, Jacob's scent got stronger. When the river was in sight, I turned North, stuck my nose to the wind and inhaled. Jacob's scent was in the air. With a wolfish grin, I took off running.

Within minutes, I had run the 15 miles necessary. I wasn't messing around. I needed to see Jacob. I sniffed around, trying to locate where he was, but I couldn't. His scent was everywhere. My assumption was this was where he spent most of his time.

I heard rustling to my right so I turned my head. There he was. Jacob walked out from behind the trees in human form. In _naked_ human form. The bag of food fell from my mouth as my jaw dropped. I had seen Jacob naked before, but it was still a sight to behold.

Without saying anything, he walked over to me and took the food bag and sat down. He opened it and dug right in to the sandwiches. After about 2 of them, he reached for a soda and cracked open the can, spraying soda everywhere. "Son of a bitch! God damn it, Seth!"

I hung my head low, folding my ears back. I didn't do it on purpose but I still made my imprint mad. As Jacob wiped himself clean, I phased back and pulled my shorts on. There was no reason for him to see the effect his wet, naked body had on me. I stood there awkwardly as I prepared to tell Jacob everything.

As my breathing increased, Jacob looked up at me. His eyes weren't the same as they used to be. His big, beautiful, brown eyes were blood shot and crazed. "What is your problem, Seth? Calm the fuck down!"

I winced at his words. I wasn't doing anything wrong. Why was he so mad at me? I inhaled deeply and said what needed to be said. "Jacob, I… I imprinted on you…"

Jacob's breathing faltered and for just a moment, I saw the real Jacob in his eyes. He looked at the ground and clutched his head in his hands. After a few seconds he stood up and looked me in the eyes with the same crazed look as before. "So? What do you want me to do about that?"

"I… I… I was hoping you'd let me come see you again, because it… hurts me to be away from you…" I looked away from him.

Jacob laughed maniacally and started walking around his little clearing in the woods. "You have no IDEA what it's like to hurt! To have your heart toyed with. There's real pain… Bella fucking ruined me! I fell so hard for her and she used me as her crutch when her _leech_ of a boyfriend went M.I.A."

I could see he was truly hurt by what Bella did to him. "Jacob… You don't need to worry about her anymore. You can find someone else to love. Someone… who will love you no matter what…"

"Like who, Seth? You?" He laughed crazily again.

"That's not what I meant…"

"You don't know how many times I spent jerking off the hard-on I got from all of Bella's FUCKING TEASING! That can't even be considered teasing! There were times when she even touched my cock! Whether it was on purpose or not, who knows. But she fucking touched me and denied me time and time again." At this point, I had no idea what to say or do. Jacob was spiraling. "That God damn cunt! It pisses me off just thinking about it!"

I took a tentative step forward. I felt deep in my heart that I needed to help him but I didn't know how.

Jacob's back was turned to me as he threw his head back in another fit of crazed laughter. Is this what living like an animal does to you? "That's not true…" He turned around and pointed to his crotch, which was now fully erect. "I get hard just thinking about her… I loved her so much! I got so fed up with her! Look at this! She still gets to me when I'm miles away from her! God DAMN it!"

I turned away. As much as I wanted to help him, there was nothing I could do. He was in love with Bella.

"Wait…"

I turned back to him and saw he had a frightening smile on his face.

"I'm tired of having to jerk off because of her… But now I no longer have to…" His crazed eyes met mine. "Suck my dick."

"What…?"

He laughed as he walked towards me. "You heard me. Suck my dick!"

I took a step backwards. "Jacob, no. I… no."

"What? Are you saying no to your imprint?" He had me. His words sent a shooting pain through my chest. I swallowed hard and stared into his eyes. "That's right, Seth…"

Mindlessly, I sank to my knees as Jacob walked up to me, his erection mere centimeters from my face. What am I doing…?

"Suck it…"

That was the night that my life truly was destroyed. I was taken advantage of. I lost myself. The thing about imprinting is… you become whatever your imprint needs you to be. That night I became Jacob's bitch.


	2. The Violence In Your Heart

"Seth. Seth wake up."

I knew that shrill voice. It was Leah. Maybe if I pretended not to hear her, she'd leave me alone.

"I'm not going to leave until you're up."

Then again, maybe not. I pulled my pillow over my head, trying to block out her the eardrum shattering noise coming out of her mouth she calls a voice. Wait… Why did I think that? She was my sister.

"Seth. Wake. Up."

I sat up, throwing my pillow across the room. "What, Leah? What do you want?"

Leah's permanently scowling face, for one brief instant, showed a different emotion. She was shocked. Hell, I was shocked that I yelled at her. "Are… Are you ok?"

I hung my head low. "I'm fine. Sorry I snapped at you…"

I could feel her eyes on me as I refused to return her gaze. "Vampire-girl is here for you again."

For the past two weeks since I had _seen_ Jacob, Bella had been coming over to ask me about him. 'Is he alright?' 'Is he coming back?' Stuff like that.

Leah left the room with one more concerned look back in my direction. When I was alone, I cupped my head in my hands. "What's wrong with me…?"

As I pondered the direction my life was going, I heard foot steps coming down the hall. With a deep breath and a swallow, I swung my legs around to sit on the edge of my bed with the smiling face that people knew me by, just as Bella rounded to corner into my room. "Hey, Seth."

For a soon-to-be bride, she sure did look miserable. "Hi, Bella. Come in, sit with me."

She took a step inside, closing the door behind her. No one was supposed to know she comes to me asking about Jacob. No one was supposed to know that I _knew_ anything about Jacob. Bella sat next to me on my bed and turned to face me. "So, how are you doing Seth?"

I laughed. "Same old, same old, I suppose."

For whatever reason, Bella smiled. "You always brighten my day, even when you don't do anything. You're definitely the sunniest person I know."

I made eye contact with her. "You mean, besides Jacob, right?"

She looked down. "I don't know if I can saw that anymore about him. From what you've told me, he's pretty far gone, isn't he?"

If only she knew just how far gone he really was. I nodded.

Bella looked saddened. What did she expect? She knew the consequences of her choice to marry Edward. "Maybe… I should call off the wedding…" I watched as she started touching her engagement ring. "Or maybe just postpone it. Just until Jacob is well enough to come. I can't get married without him there."

"Bella, you can't. Jacob… isn't coming back." As the words left my mouth, I realized they held a double meaning. Jacob wasn't coming back physically and probably not mentally either. "Even if he did come back, you can't ask him to show up at your wedding. You don't even know how in love with you he really is, what he's capable of, blinded by his feelings for you…" I felt a sharp pain in my chest.

She turned to me, her eyes red and watery. "I love him Seth…"

"But that's not enough."

She shook her head. "It's not. I wish it was enough for him, to know that there is always a place in my heart for him."

"Your heart belongs to Edward. Don't do this to yourself. Don't confuse your sadness about Jacob leaving with real love, because it's not. Jacob is fine. He's just severely overreacting to a broken heart. Don't worry about him, I won't let anything happen to him. You just go and live your life with Edward." I placed my hand on her shoulder.

Bella inhaled deeply. "You're right. I'm going to go." She stood up and walked over to the door, opening it. "Seth, if you see Jacob again… can you tell him something for me?"

"Umm… Yeah, I guess."

"Can you tell him I miss him and that I would really like to see him… one more time…" Her hand tightened around the door knob.

"Alright. I'll tell him." I stood up and walked over to her.

"I'll see you at the wedding, right?" Bella turned to me, her eyes full of worry.

"Of course." I smiled at her.

She nodded and then walked out. After I heard the front door close, I closed my own door and leaned against it, sliding down to the ground. I squeezed my eyes shut as a lone tear escaped them. It was almost time for me to go see Jacob.

I sat there for a few minutes, mentally preparing myself for what was to come. During these past two weeks, Jacob asked me to bring him food every other day. It was the same routine every time. I would bring him his food, he would wolf it down, and then I would be used to satisfy his needs.

To be honest, I didn't really know how I felt about it.

With a deep sigh I stood up, and went to prepare Jacob's food. Sandwiches. That's all I ever made for him, mainly because I'm no chef. He seems to like them enough. Although, his two choices are my sandwiches or rabbits.

I found a shorter route to Jacob's hiding place, but I came to the conclusion that if I take different routes there, I wouldn't leave to high of a concentration of my own scent in case one of the other pack members comes across it.

When I got to Jacob's spot, I phased back and put my shorts on. "Hey, Jacob? I'm here. I brought you some sandwiches."

There was a rustling sound to my right, as Jacob stepped out from behind the trees. He walked over to me and held out his hand. I held out the bag of food for him and he took it wordlessly.

I sat down as he started eating. He never talked unless I started the conversation, and usually I had nothing to say. But I did that time. "So, Jake… Umm… Bella-"

His head snapped up and his eyes locked onto mine. "What about her?"

"She says she misses you."

Jacob's cold eyes seemed to melt as his face softened. His bottom lip began to quiver and tears began to form in his eyes. I moved close to him and pulled him to me. I wrapped my arms around him, trying to make him feel better. He may be a monster, but he's my monster… Jacob, who's arms had been limp at the sides, pushed me off of him. "What are you doing…?"

"Nothing." I didn't move away from him, I stayed where I was. I was dying for closeness with him.

He turned back to his meal and finished off a sandwich.

I stared at the ground and started pulling out individual blades of grass. "She also wants to see you one more time before she-"

Before I could finish my sentence, Jacob's fist collided with my face, knocking me backwards a good five feet. I sat up and brought my hands to my face, now dripping with blood. I looked up and saw Jacob towering over me, his face twisted in anger. "Don't you dare finish that sentence."

I just nodded as I tried to realign my nose before it set incorrectly. "That really hurt, Jacob…"

He turned away from me and took a few steps before mumbling something that sounded like 'I'm sorry'.

"What did you say…?" I looked over at him, hoping he was trying to regain control of himself.

After a few seconds, he shook his head violently and spun around, yelling at me. "I said get over it!"

I looked away, fighting the urge to cry. Jacob's hot hand ran through my hair soothingly, before he grabbed a handful and lifted me to my knees. I knew what it was time for. I looked up at him as a sadistic smile crossed his lips.


	3. Losing My Grip

The sun had been up for a few hours, so was I. The rays of light had been shining through the windows onto my face. I was so tired. Not 'I need to sleep' tired, more like 'I'm fed getting fed up with how my life is going' tired.

Today was Bella's wedding. I had eventually managed to ask Jacob if he would come, only to get beaten for even bringing up the idea of Bella's marriage.

I was so tired of Jacob's shit. It wasn't fair. Everyone else's imprint loves them unconditionally. I got stuck with a sadistic bastard who is too far gone to even care.

I ran a hand through my hair, as I squeezed my eyes shut. I wasn't going to cry about it anymore. I had spent too many nights crying myself to sleep to cry anymore.

I just wanted Jacob to love me like everyone else's imprint.

"How long are you going to let him do that to you?"

I turned my head to the source of the voice. It was Leah. "What…?"

Leah stood leaning on my door frame, her arms crossed. "Don't play dumb, Seth. I know where you go every other day. I know what happens when you get there."

My eyes widened in shock for just a second before I narrowed them at her. She didn't say anything that tells me she really knew, only that she 'knew' where I would go. "I go into the woods. I go to clear my head, get away from all the pack and everything."

That's the excuse I came up with for whenever someone confronted me about disappearing for hours at a time every other day. Unfortunately, Leah wasn't buying it this time. "Bullshit."

I sighed. "Ok then, Leah. Where do you think I go?"

"I don't think you go anywhere…" She raised her eyebrows at me.

"Then what are you doing grilling me abo-"

"I _know_ you go and see Jacob every other day!" Leah interrupted me, taking a step into my room, pointing at me.

My jaw dropped. I stuttered trying to find something to say, when a disappointed look spread across her face. She had me. Well not quite yet. "Yeah, so? I go see Jacob. Big deal."

"Seth, stop. Just stop." She closed my bedroom door and stepped closer. "How long are you going to let him do this to you?"

I had enough of her little games, dancing around what she wanted to know. I was not in the mood. I never seemed to be in the mood anymore. "What Leah? What does Jacob do to me?" I stood up and shoved her hard enough for her to fall to the ground. "You don't know anything!"

I expected her to stand up and knock me across the room. That's what Leah does. But she didn't. She just looked up at me, shaking her head. "What has he done to you?"

I seethed in a barely concealed rage. "Don't, Leah. This is none of your concern."

"Seth! Listen to yourself! Do you even see how you're acting? This is not you!" She knelt in front of me, gabbing my arms.

I threw my head back in laughter. "Of course! How could I forget? You're the only one who can change when someone rips your heart out!"

That normally would've sent her into a blind rage. Leah hates when people talk about her past with Sam. This time, her eyes widened. "You… You love him?"

"I… umm…" I looked to the side, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Seth, talk to me. What's going on?" I felt a hand on my cheek and I opened my eyes to see Leah standing in front of me, her eyes full of worry and sorrow. Leah was completely acting out of character. No, she was acting like she was before Sam.

"I… I… I imprinted on… on Jacob…" I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I didn't want to cry anymore.

"What? When? Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"Leah…" I stepped forwards, wrapping my arms around my sister, as I wept into her shoulder. "I don't… want… to cry anymore…" I could barely hear my own words over the sound of my sobbing.

"Shh, shh, shh… It's ok. Let it out, Seth." I felt her hand slowly start rubbing up and down my back.

For a few minutes we stood the silence of my room, the only noise coming from my rampant crying. The more I tried to stop myself from crying, the more I seemed to cry. I eventually gave up and just cried hard. "I… love him…"

Leah said nothing, just moved with me to my bed and sat down. I still clung to her like a child.

The more I cried the more memories of my time with Jacob flooded my mind. Time after time of being used for his own _needs_ and being beaten mercilessly for saying something wrong. My mind was at its breaking point. "I don't… want… to love… him… anymore…"

"Seth, stop talking. We'll talk when you're done crying."

It took a few more minutes, but as time went on my tears subsided. I struggled to catch my breath as I laid back in my bed.

"Maybe you shouldn't go to the wedding." Leah laid her hand on me.

"What? No. I have to. I have to for Bella." I stared at the ceiling. "I can't abandon her like… like Jacob did."

She shook her head. "When you said his name… Your voice sounded… resentful, but it was mixed with affection. I don't get it."

"He's my imprint. I… love him." I could feel the tears trying to break free again. I wasn't going to let them this time. I had to tell her what Jacob does to me. I thought if I could get it off my chest, I could feel better. I took a deep breath. "He uses me, Leah. For his… I'm his bitch! And he beats me!"

"I know." Leah stared at the floor.

"Y-you know?" I sat up and grabbed her shoulders. "You know? What do you mean you know?"

Her eyes locked on mine. "How stupid do you think I am?"

"What are you talking about?" I let her go and sat back, crossing my arms over my chest.

"You think I wouldn't find out because you managed to fool those idiot men-no, excuse me, _boys_ in the pack?" She shook her head, seemingly insulted.

"How did you find out?"

She sighed, looking back to the floor, her face looking rather disgusted. "I could smell it."

"What?" She could smell it? What could she smell?

"Sweat, blood, and… well, other stuff." Leah shook her head. "You'd come home smelling of all those things and you'd immediately go into the shower for hours."

"I was trying to… wash myself clean. Let the water wash away my filth. I'm disgusting…" I cradled my head in my hands.

"No, Seth. _You're_ not disgusting. That fucker, Jacob, is." She nearly spat his name.

I shook my head quickly, the anger coming back. Her words upset me. I didn't want to, but I couldn't stand to let her bad mouth my imprint. "Don't. Don't say that about him." I did my best to keep calm.

"Why are you sticking up for him? He rapes you! And you let him!"

That was all I needed to hear. I jumped out of my bed. "Fuck you, Leah! Fuck you and your cold, bitter heart! I don't need your shit, I don't need _any_ of it! Don't you _ever_ talk bad about Jacob. Ever! Do you understand me?"

"Seth. Listen to yourself. You're protecting the man who _rapes _you. He _rapes_ you, Seth! And he fucking beats the shit out of you!" Part of me could see the sense she was making, but that part was quickly overwhelmed by the surge of fury coursing through my veins.

I shook my head slowly at first, gradually shaking faster until I just snapped and punched Leah in the face. I watched on in horror as she flipped backwards over my bed and onto the floor on the other side. She landed with a thud. "Leah… I…"

She slowly lifted herself up holding her nose, blood dripping everywhere. "You broke my nose."

"I… I… I'm sorry!" I turned and ran out of the room crying. I ran down the stairs and out the front door, leaving my mom to wonder what exactly just happened.

I ran into the woods, my eyes blurry from the tears. I ran and ran until my legs wouldn't go any further. I fell to my knees and cupped my face in my hands and sobbed. I was losing my grip on myself. I crawled over to a nearby stream and looked at my reflection.

I had no idea who that was looking back at me. His eyes were cold and angry, despite the tears pouring out of them. His mouth was twisted into a snarl, despite the sobs I could hear.

I shook my head violently and slammed my hand into the reflection. I collapsed on my side, clutching my head. "I hate myself…"


	4. Bleed To Know You're Alive

"It's good to see things work out for you, man. I'm happy for you." I smiled at Edward. That's it Seth, just keep the smile on. This is not your day. Don't ruin it for everyone else.

"Thank you, Seth. That means a lot to me." Edward pulled away from the hug we just shared and looked at my mom and Billy. "Thank you, as well. For letting Seth come. For supporting Bella today."

"You're welcome." Billy sounded truly sincere. I was marveled that he accepted the wedding between his son's best friend and a 'leech'.

I noticed a line of people was beginning to form, each person wanting to congratulate the newly weds, so I started pushing Billy over towards the food. Mom followed close behind me, nervous because of the surrounding vampires.

I wished for just a minute that everyone could forget about vampires and werewolves and just live like normal people. I wouldn't be inexorably pulled towards a sadistic werewolf; he wouldn't even be a sadistic werewolf, he'd just be a heartbroken teenage guy.

I could feel the damn I built to hold back my emotions beginning to weaken the more I thought about Jacob. I needed an escape, just for a minute. I couldn't keep up this happy façade for very long.

"Mom, can you take care of Billy? I need to go to the bathroom." I motioned towards Billy's wheelchair, hoping she would comply with my wishes. I really wasn't in the mood for her 'oh no the vampires might get me' attitude.

She must've seen something in my eyes, because she wordlessly walked over and started wheeling Billy to a table.

Thank God. I trudged my way through the sea of people into the Cullen house. The sickly sweet stench of vampire was much more concentrated inside. I climbed up the stairs and eventually came across a bathroom.

Once the door had clicked locked, I turned around and slid my back down the door. I smacked my head back against the door as I let out an exasperated sigh.

Was my life really so bad that I couldn't be truly happy for my friends getting married? I knew my situation was bad, but did it really warrant this kind behavior at a wedding? I stood up and walked over to the mirror, still not fully recognizing the man staring back at me, the man who broke my sister's nose earlier.

The man in the mirror wasn't angry like he was in the stream. This time he was sad, all of his features were sad. I needed an escape from all of this mental pain. I was running ragged.

An idea briefly flashed through my mind. An idea that usually signifies that you really need help. But it was a way to escape the mental anguish. A way to know that I'm really still here.

I looked fervently through the drawers of the bathroom, desperately searching for my instrument of salvation. Just when I was about to give up hope I stumbled across a lone, single blade disposable razor.

I tentatively picked it up and turned back to the mirror. What I saw at that moment in the mirror confused me. There was a smile spread across the man's face. He looked truly happy.

I brought a hand to my face and discovered I was actually smiling a real, genuine smile. A slight chuckle escaped my lips and I was fascinated by the sound. I shook my head and refocused on what I was here to do.

I snapped the razor, breaking off the useless pieces of plastic until I was left with just the tiny metal blade. I pulled the sleeve of my shirt up, revealing the flesh of my wrist as my breath started becoming jagged. I was so close to my escape.

When the cool blade touched my hot skin, a momentary realization of what I was about to do invaded my mind. I was about to cut myself. This wasn't the way to go about fixing my problems. My life isn't bad enough to do this.

_Seth. Listen to yourself. You're protecting the man who rapes you. He rapes you, Seth! And he fucking beats the shit out of you! _Leah's words rang through my ears. I winced and shook my head. "No…"

_I said get over it! _Mental images of Jacob's fist making contact with my nose, and the torturous events that follow made me twitch.

That was all it took. My twitch was enough for me to accidentally rake the blade across my bare flesh. Blood started to trickle down my hand, dripping off making splashes of red in the sink.

I sighed in relief as the blood dripping from me seemed to take my pain with it. I looked back to my wrist and saw the cut had already begun to heal. I was no longer bleeding, just a red mark on my wrist was all that remained and soon, even that would fade.

"God damn it!" I yelled and more forcefully pulled the blade over my skin again and again, until the sink was nearly coated in my blood and my pain.

I slumped to the floor, again with a smile on my lips. For a moment, I was truly free from the anguish I had been living through. For a moment, I was truly happy.

I sat on the bathroom floor for a few more minutes before I stood up, looking at my now freshly healed wrist. I smiled widely, and turned the water on, rinsing away all evidence of the events that took place in the room.

When I was sure it was all gone, I stepped out of the bathroom only to nearly bowl right over someone standing outside. He looked at me through sad, golden eyes. "Seth, what were you doing in there?"

It was Carlisle. He must've been passing through the house and caught wind of my blood. "I umm… I was going to the bathroom. Why?"

I hoped he wouldn't call me out on my lie, but of course, nothing ever goes my way. "I smelt your blood. Are you ok? You're not injured are you?"

Ok, so he just thought I hurt myself. I could work with that. "Oh, yeah. I… uhh…" Then again, maybe I couldn't. I couldn't come up with something that would hurt me enough to bleed, being a werewolf and all, not to mention anything that could hurt me enough at a wedding.

Carlisle just started at me, obviously concerned.

"It's nothing, Carlisle. Really, I got it all under control. Thank you for your concern." I walked right past him, heading down the stairs and right into another Cullen.

Was it 'All Cullens Worry About Seth Day'? This time it was the tall one, Jasper. I realized quickly that I wasn't going to be able to lie about anything to him. He was the emotion reader and changer. He must've been having quite the day with my rollercoaster of emotions.

He didn't say anything to me, just stared at me until I felt a warm tingly sensation come over me. It was as if all of my pain and suffering never happened. I laughed as a few tears escaped my eyes. I was free.

If only for the time he could keep this emotion over me.

I smiled at him. "Thank you."

He nodded and stepped aside, letting me walk past him and out the door, back to the party.

I was ready to actually enjoy the party. I was happy. Footloose and fancy-free. I laughed to myself feeling truly happy and free from pain for the first time in a while. I smiled genuinely and inhaled deeply.

That was when a certain scent caught my attention, I turned my head to the source of the smell just as Edward and Bella ducked underneath some branches, walking into the wood surrounding their house.

I knew by the smell where they were going. The scent invaded my nostrils, leaving my feet cemented to the ground. A familiar tingling sensation bubbled inside of me if only for a moment, before the gut wrenching emotional pain flooded back into my mind.

Memories caused by one thing. One person. The person who Edward was bringing Bella to see behind the trees.

Jacob.


	5. Going Under, Falling Forever

**Jacob's POV**

**EARLIER THAT DAY**

"I have to go see Bella!"

"But she's marrying that _LEECH_!"

"I don't care! Damn it, she's my best friend! I need to see her!"

"You don't need to see anyone. You ran away from people, remember? You want to live as a wolf! Devoid of human emotions!"

"Don't you think I know that? Look where it's gotten me! The one person who truly cares about me… I…"

"Yes. The one person who actually cares enough to bring you food and put up with all of the shit you put him through… You constantly push him away!"

"Shut up. Shut up! SHUT UP!" My fist connected with a tree, causing a rain of splintered wood to fall around me. "Shut up and go away!" I continued punch after punch into the tree until it made eerie creaking noises. One more was all it needed to fall over, the tree crashed to the ground, a family of birds flying out of its branches.

"Now look at what you've done…"

"I didn't do _anything_! I just knocked a fucking tree over!"

"Look at your hand."

I did as I was told. I raised my hand up to my face to inspect it. My knuckles were bare, the white bones being tainted by the red blood pooling up and dripping down my arm. "It'll be healed in a few minutes…"

"Do you really want to continue living like this?"

"No, of course I don't. I hate myself for what I do to Seth! He doesn't even try to resist… I don't even know why I do it! That's not me! Why do I continue to do this to him…? It's not fucking fair!" I screamed at no one.

No one was with me. I was alone in the forest as I had been for I didn't even know how long.

I was arguing with myself.

I wasn't going to back down. I was going to go see Bella today.

My life had become a living Hell since I left home. I lost myself somewhere at some point in time. I had no idea when I changed from 'Jacob' into 'mother fucker'. From 'Jacob' to… 'rapist'.

I was just so torn up over Bella. I couldn't stand it anymore. When I got that invitation in the mail… When Bella's _leech_ of a boyfriend-no, _fiancé _thought by hand writing me a little note I could forget that he was trying to suck the life out of the girl I loved.

I nearly phased in the house with my dad right there. I could've killed my father in the blind fury caused by that bastard. I barely managed to get out the front door before I erupted into my huge wolf alter-ego.

I remembered running… Running and crying.

I ran for days I ran until I could no longer remember what it felt like to walk on two legs. To speak. To feel.

I was free from my emotions. Free from pain. Free from suffering.

At some point, whether it be consciously or unconsciously, I started running back home. I stopped a good number of miles away form home though. There was no need for me to go back. Everyone could be happy now that I was gone.

Bella would no longer be torn between me and _him_ because I was no longer there. No longer an option. She could move on with her life, for however short of a life she had left.

I thought I could live as a wolf forever, but the more I ate rabbits and other stupid animals, the more I craved real human food. I began to miss pizza and cheeseburgers and all of its unhealthy glory.

So I decided I'd write a letter to the one person I knew I could count on. The boy who nearly worshipped the ground I walked on. Seth.

I phased back to a human and for a while, I still felt nothing. No pain. No emotions at all really. So I wrote out a letter and managed to a mailbox to get delivered to Seth.

I had a few days until he would get the letter so when I got back to my new 'home', I remained in human form. I missed the feeling of fingers and all the little things we take for granted everyday.

Everything was going swimmingly until… Until I just snapped. Every single emotion that I had locked away under lock and key, every instance of pain that I had managed to escape, and all of the suffering I managed to avoid while living as a wolf, flooded back to me at once.

I collapsed to the ground, clutching my head. As I slowly began muttering to myself about how badly it hurt and how I wanted it to go away. I tried to phase back, I wanted to escape the pain again.

I couldn't focus on the heat in my core. I couldn't bring it out. I couldn't phase.

"Oh God… help me…" I called out. I needed a savior.

"What do you need help for? You're Jacob-Fucking-Black!"

And that's how it stared. It began as me just trying to talk myself out of the depression. Out of the pain. The more I relied on talking to myself for help, the crazier the conversations became.

It all amounted to me losing myself. I didn't know who I was. I was so full of hate. So full of sadness. So full of conflicting emotions.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to turn. Images of Bella, no matter how painful, was the only thing that could save me.

In the beginning, anyway.

I pictured her love. Imagined what she would say to me trying to keep my sane. I remembered the conversation we had in her truck one night. The night that she ran off to 'save' _him_.

"_Sometimes… I feel like I'm gonna disappear…"_

_Bella leaned closer to me, her voice like an angel whispering in my ear. "Ok, not that you need me to tell you something like this… But I always will. You're not gonna lose yourself. I wouldn't let that happen."_

_My voice was strained as I spoke, barely an audible whisper. "How…?"_

_She stared into my eyes as she slowly started shaking her head. "I'll tell you… all the time… how special you are."_

Where was she when I needed her? Where was Bella to tell me how special I was? I was losing myself and she wasn't there. She was breaking her promise.

The longer my suffering went on, the less thoughts of Bella helped. Instead they were beginning to be used against me.

I was constantly bombarded with memories of her in my garage with me. Helping me fix the bikes. When she and I would take drives around town, just the two of us. How close we got… How hard I fell for her…

I was no longer talking to myself to cheer me up. It developed into random mumbling or sudden out bursts of anger.

Then Seth came like I asked him to.

He brought me sandwiches and chips and soda. I got so mad at him for the stupidest things that day…

I tried so hard to fight through the fog in my head. To escape the torturous cell I had created.

I couldn't.

And when Seth told me he imprinted on me… Part of me truly cared for him. The other part was too blinded by fury to even care that he was alive.

That part won out. And continued winning out every time he came to see me.

I always lost that battle.


	6. Sanity However Brief

**Seth's POV**

I stood there, frozen in panic at the sight of Edward and Bella going to see Jacob. What if he snapped at her like he does at me? What if he hits her? Not only will it do some serious damage, but Edward will kill him.

I felt a pain in my chest at the thought of Edward murdering my imprint, as much of a bastard as he was.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw something invisible to the rest of the party-goers. A hulking shadow in the trees, it's big, yellow eyes locked on mine. Sam.

He obviously wanted to talk to me. And I had some things I wanted to ask him as well. Like 'when the Hell did Jacob decide to come back' and 'why the Hell didn't anyone tell me'.

As nonchalantly as I could I managed to slip through the sea of dancing bodies, over to where Sam once stood. "Sam. Where are you?"

A naked Sam walked out from behind the trees. "Right here. Seth, why do you loo-"

"No, Sam. You shut up and listen to me." When Sam's eyes grew wide with shock and then narrowed angrily at me, I figured I should rephrase that statement. "I mean… Sam, why didn't anyone tell me Jacob was coming back?"

He raised an eyebrow. "You didn't know?"

"No! How could I have known? No one seems to want to tell poor little Seth anything!"

"I thought you knew." Sam's coal black eyes locked on mine. "Considering you see him every other day."

Leah! Damn it. She told Sam. I didn't want Sam to know that Jacob does those things to me. I didn't want him to try to hurt Jacob.

Sam crossed his arms over his chest, staring at me angrily.

"What?" Why was he so angry?

"Why didn't you tell us… that he hurts you?"

I shook my head. "Because I don't want you to do anything about it. He's my imprint. He's my problem. I'm dealing with him."

"No. You're not. You continue to let him have his way with you repeatedly. That's sick and disturbing, Seth."

I closed my eyes trying to remain calm. I was NOT going to lose my temper and punch out my Alpha, that's the last thing I needed.

Sam's hands gripped my shoulders. "Look at me, Seth."

I opened my eyes to see Sam's face had softened, he was no longer angry with me.

"We care about you. We're brothers. We look out for each other."

"Why did you let him come here? He's out of his mind." I was still worried for Bella's safety (more so for the safety of Jacob).

His eyebrows furrowed as he took a few steps back. "That's just it, Seth. He's fine."

"What…?"

"He came back to his dad's house earlier today to get-"

I held my hand up. "He what?" Damn Billy… He knew Jacob was home… That's why he was all smiles today!

"Will you let me finish?" Sam's eyes narrowed again. "Jacob stopped by his dad's house and Billy called me. I came over as quickly as I could. From what Leah told me, it wasn't safe for Billy to be alone with him. But when I got there… Jacob didn't seem any different than the day he left. He was dressed up in suit and tie and was sitting at the table."

I couldn't believe it. Where was the madness? Was Jacob really normal again? I had so many questions that needed answering.

"I asked why he was so dressed up and he laughed at me. 'I have a wedding I need to go to, remember?' I couldn't believe it. He said he didn't think he could stomach being there for the actual wedding and was planning on going after, just to see Bella. And… He was so normal." Sam shook his head. "I don't know what to believe. From what Leah said and from the condition you'd come back from your little 'visits' with Jacob, I had assumed he was long gone. But after seeing him, tonight… He's completely normal."

Apparently everyone knew I was in bad shape. At least Sam and Leah knew that I'd come home from seeing Jacob a complete wreck. But that wasn't important right now. "I… I don't believe it…"

"See for yourself." Sam pointed towards something and the more I listened the more I realized I could hear Jacob and Bella… talking.

I slowly walked over to where they were, and remained behind a few trees. I managed to catch a few glimpses of their conversation.

"I didn't want to spend my honeymoon writhing in pain." I watched through the branches, Bella and Jacob dancing in the darkness to a rhythm not made by the music from the party.

"You'd rather spend it how? Playing checkers?" When I heard Jacob's voice and… his laugh… I nearly cried. He sounded so _here_, so regular old Jacob. It was hard not to smile.

"Very funny."

"Kidding, Bells. But, honestly, I don't see the point. You can't have a real honeymoon with your vampire, so why go through the motions? Call a spade a spade. This isn't the first time you've put this off. That's a _good _thing, though." Jacob seemed suddenly earnest. "Don't be embarrassed about it."

"I'm not putting anything off! And _yes I can_ have a real honeymoon! I can have anything I want! Butt out!" Bella snapped at him.

I managed to figure out they were talking about Bella having sex with Edward, which was a terrible, terrible idea. But I guess if she _really_ wanted to, they could find a way. I was brought out of my silent reverie by Bella yelling.

"Ow, Jake! Let go!"

Jacob's hands were gripping Bella's shoulders as he started to shake her. "Bella! Have you lost your mind? You can't be that stupid! Tell me you're joking!" His hands tightened on her shoulders.

This was going to end badly.

"Jake-stop!"

Everyone moved so fast after that. I didn't even realized that I had moved until I could feel Jacob's heavy panting under my hand. I had stepped behind him, I was going to spare everyone from a fight, but his hands were still tight around her shoulders.

"Take your hands off her!" Edward hissed at Jacob.

Sam and Embry snarled from the shadows behind Jacob.

"Jacob, back away. You're losing it." Again…

He didn't move. He seemed frozen, his eyes wide in shock.

"You'll hurt her. Let her go." I tried to reason with him, if there was any reasoning that could help a mad man.

"Now!" Edward snarled.

The second Jacob released Bella, Edward took her and brought her back a few feet. Sam and Embry stepped out of the shadows and moved in between Jacob and Edward. I wrapped my arms around Jacob and started pulling him back. "Come on, Jake. Let's go."

"I'll kill you! I'll kill you myself! I'll do it now!" Jacob's body started to shake. I needed to get him out of here.

Sam growled and Edward hissed. "Seth, get out of the way."

I pulled harder on Jacob, I managed to get him a few feet further away. "Don't do it, Jake. Walk away. C'mon."

I was really able to move Jacob when Sam head used his massive wolf head to push as well. With our combined strength, we managed to get Jacob safely behind the trees.

As soon as Sam moved his head from Jacob's chest, the wind was knocked out of me. I released Jacob and collapsed to the ground. He somehow managed to elbow my in the ribs.

I heard a ripping sound, Jacob phased with his clothes on and then took off running. Sam was about to give chase but I called out to him. "Sam… Wait…"

I stood up, still fighting to regain control of my breathing. Sam turned to me, an urgent expression on his wolf features.

"Let me handle this. I can handle it. I got this." I nodded my head, trying to get Sam to agree.

Jacob was my imprint. I'd handle him.

After a few seconds, Sam nodded once. I turned in the direction that Jacob ran off in and started sprinting. A quick leap in the air, a sudden tearing of clothing, and I was back on the ground, this time with four legs.

I followed Jacob's scent for a long time. He was much faster than I was, but I wasn't going to give up. I needed to save him.

If he was really sane for however brief a time it was, I couldn't let him slip back into madness.

I heard it then, the piercing, heartbroken howling. I knew I had to hurry.


	7. Your Beauty's Not Just A Mask

When I reached the cliff Jacob was howling from, I stopped hiding behind some trees. I watched on as Jacob paced angrily back and forth, snarling and growling, his massive paws swiping at the grass beneath him.

Every couple of seconds, he'd stop pacing and emit a heartbreaking howl, before going back to roaring in anger.

I phased back and realized I ruined my clothes in my haste to follow Jacob. I tentatively took a step forward, out from behind the trees. I tried to find my voice. I needed to be extremely careful not to upset him, he was obviously teetering on the edge of sanity again.

As I stepped forwards, Jacob swung his bug head towards me. The look he gave me was truly painful to look at. Fear, loss, sorrow, anger, hatred, relief. He almost had every emotion covered in that one expression.

"Jake…? It's gonna be ok…" I took another step, holding my hand out to him. I hoped this would all go by smoothly, but things never go my way.

Jacob's chocolate eyes held my own for a few minutes before he stepped closer to me. His eyes looked scared. I wish I knew what was going on in his head. I didn't want to phase back into a wolf to try to get into his thoughts, anything I did might upset his rather calm state.

"Why don't you phase back? It'll be ok, I'm here for you, Jake." I closed the distance between us in one more step. My hand was mere inches from his head. I didn't want to touch him, afraid of starting anything.

He whined and leaned his head into my hand.

I gently stroked his fur, trying to keep him calm. "Come on, phase back and we can have a nice talk. You wanna talk with me, Jake?"

He seemed to nod his head in my hand. I waited for a few minutes until his body shimmered as he pulled himself back into human form. He brought his hand up and lightly grabbed my hand that was still holding his head. "Seth…"

How broken he sounded nearly crushed me. "What's wrong, Jake…?" I heard somewhere to keep saying their name. It makes sure they know you're talking to them.

"I'm scared, Seth…" Jacob's other hand grabbed onto my arm, holding onto it tightly.

"What are you scared of? There's nothing to be scared of…" I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Jacob was acting like a frightened child. It was tearing me apart.

"I… I… I…" He squeezed his eyes shut, as his face contorted with anguish.

"Jacob. Look at me… Look at me, Jake. I'm right here." I put my other hand onto his other cheek so I was holding his face in my hands.

Tears started streaming from his eyes, before his expression became furious. His hands tightened around my arm as he threw me to the side. "Get out of my face, you dumb fuck!"

I fell to the ground and laid there defeated. I lost Jacob. I let him slip away again. All that was left was this angry, vindictive son of a bitch. I grabbed a fistful of blades of grass. I was so angry with myself.

"You. This is your fault!"

I lifted my head to look at him. "What…?"

"You had to hold me back! You fucking imbecile!" Jacob walked over to me and grabbed my shoulders, lifting me off of the ground. "Bella could be dead right now and it's your fault!"

"Jacob… I was protecting you…" His hands were painfully tight around my arms. If this was as hard as he was holding Bella, I'm surprised her arms didn't snap.

"Protecting _me_? Do you even _know_ who I am?" He dropped me to the ground as he started to walk around the clearing. "I am Jacob. Fucking. Black. I don't need protection. Especially from _you_!" He turned back to me, pointing at me.

"What were you going to do? Kill him? In front of all of those vampires?" Edward's family as well as other vampires I had never met before were at the wedding. If Jacob attacked Edward, he wouldn't have lived to talk about it.

He started pacing back and forth, kicking at nothing. "I could've handled them…" He muttered.

"Jacob… You would've been killed…"

Jacob spun on his heel, barreling towards me. "At least Bella would still be alive! If she dies, Seth… Not only will it be on _your_ head. I'll kill you myself." He grabbed my throat, strangling me as he lifted my once more off of the ground.

I tried to speak, tried to get him to let me go, but he was squeezing so hard.

The next thing I knew, Jacob's fist had collided with my stomach. He released me then, I stood on my own feet, doubled over in pain.

When I could breath properly and the pain subsided in my abdomen, I stood up straight, looking Jacob in the eyes. He looked tortured. He was battling with himself.

Jacob stepped forwards and punched me again, waiting until I regained my composure. "Fight back…" Again, he hit me. "Fight. Back." Again and again. "Fight back, God damn it!"

Blow after blow, no matter how many times I collapsed to the ground from his hits, I stood back up, looking him in the eyes. "No… No, Jacob."

"Don't just stand there and take it! You have to be pissed at me for what I've done to you… Why don't you fight back?" He balled both of his fists, looking like he was ready to attack again.

Jacob stepped forwards and fell to his knees, he pounded his fists into the grass over and over. Tears were falling from his eyes as he sobbed and attacked the ground beneath him. I wanted to comfort him. But I was afraid.

Suddenly he looked up at me, through tear streaked eyes. "Hate me, Seth!"

"No…"

He tried to fight the tears, but they won out. He grabbed fistfuls of his own hair and started to rock back and forth. "Why don't you fucking hate me?"

I said nothing. I just stood there as he cried. He was no longer angry. He hated himself for everything he did to me, and I think he hated himself more that he continued to abuse me even when I wouldn't fight back and just accept everything he did.

"Seth, I…" He cradled his head in his hands. "I'm so sorry…"

I couldn't just stand there anymore. Even if it meant getting beaten again, I wasn't going to just stand there. I knelt next to him and pulled him to me. "Jacob…"

He cried into my shoulder. His sobs piercing the silent night air. "I don't want… to hurt anymore… I'm so… scared…"

"What are you so scared of, Jacob…?" It didn't make any sense to me. I couldn't make head or tails of why Jacob would be scared.

"I don't want to-to hurt you anymore…" Jacob cried harder. It seemed every time he admitted what he did, it hurt him.

I started rubbing the back of his head. The real Jacob was here. He had been there all along, suffering as he slowly lost himself to his anger.

"I don't… I don't deserve someone like-like you…" His crying stopped. He just leaned into me, his head still on my shoulder. "After what I… did to you… Why don't you hate me…?"

"Because you're a good man, Jacob."

He shook his head. "No, Seth. Don't say that…"

"I don't care. I don't care about what you did to me. This is the first conversation we've ever had, Jacob. This is such a big step towards getting better." I slowly started to rock him back and forth. He was basically a child at that point.

We were both quiet for a long time as we sat there, gently rocking back and forth, back and forth. Jacob lightly grabbed my arm. "I'm tired, Seth…"

"Alright, let's go to sleep then." I started to lay back in the grass, but Jacob wasn't moving. He just stared at me. "I'm not just going to leave you here, I'm gonna stay with you. I'm always gonna be here for you."

Jacob's eyes looked watery as he just nodded his head. I laid back in the grass and he rested his head on my chest. He sprawled his arm across my abdomen and his thumb started tracing circles into my side. "I'm sorry… for… _everything_… I won't be able to forgive myself…"

"Shh… Just sleep now, Jake… We'll deal with all of that… some other time." I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. How long can his sanity last this time?


	8. To Be Alone

The rustling of the trees in the cool morning breeze woke me up. I opened my eyes, expecting to see Jacob still asleep on my chest. Not expecting so much as hoping he'd still be there. And by 'be there' I also mean mentally as well.

Jacob was no longer laying with me. I sat up, trying to find where he could've gone. I turned around and saw him sitting near the edge of the cliff, his arms wrapped around his knees as he slowly rocked back and forth.

I could feel my heart being torn in two as I watched him sit there. I took as step towards him. "Hey, Jake? What're you doing buddy?"

He turned to face me, his eyes stained red as tears fell freely. He opened his mouth to speak, but all that came out were sobs.

"Jacob…" I walked over and sat beside him. "What's going on?"

Jacob looked out to the ocean as he tried to catch his breath. "I really lost her… Didn't I?"

I inhaled deeply. "She did marry Edward." I was a bit shocked when he let me say the whole sentence without being interrupted by a fist to the face. "But that doesn't mean you guys can't still be friends."

"I can't… I can't do it… I can't subject myself to that. I loved her, but she used me…" He started to pick blades of grass and drop them over the edge.

"She loves you."

He shook his head. "No. Not the way I love her. She needed a crutch when he left her. That's all I ever was to her."

The sadness in Jacob's heart made me feel bad but the fact that he was admitting all of this out loud was definitely a step in the right direction. "You can always find someone new to love."

We sat in silence as he continued to let the blades of grass ride the wind down to the crashing waves below. Jacob turned to me. "You imprinted on me…"

My heart stopped. The last time we talked about my imprinting was when he started to use me for his own gratification. I nodded. "Ye-yeah."

He turned back to the ocean, a thoughtful expression on his face. "I'm sorry."

"For me imprinting on you? Jacob, that's nothing either of us could-"

"I'm sorry for hurting you. For… raping you…" He looked disgusted with himself.

I sighed. "Stop bringing it up. It's in the past now. Look at us, we're having another normal conversation. Stop beating yourself up."

"Seth…" Jacob's eyes were so full of sorrow. They were welling up with tears, but I have never seen anything more beautiful.

The next thing I knew, our lips were touching. I didn't know who moved but I didn't want it to end. The feel of his full lips pressed against my own filled me with such elation, I couldn't tell if I was on Earth or in Heaven.

Jacob's hands found their way to my shoulders as he pushed himself back, away from me. "Seth, I…"

I reached towards him, brushing my fingers across his cheek. "Jacob… I love you…" As the words left my mouth, I was immediately afraid of the consequences.

"I… can't… I can't accept your love. I don't deserve it…" He stood up, walking away from me. "Not after what I've done. What I've put you through!"

"Jacob…" I followed after him.

"No, Seth. You're supposed to be angry with me, not kissing me! Why aren't you angry? I fucking raped you! Several God damn times!" He spun around getting in my face. "Why don't you hate me? Why did you constantly bring me food, and willingly accept everything I did to you?"

"Because I lo-"

"Don't fucking say it!" He covered my mouth with his hand. "Don't. Don't love me. Don't make excuses for me. I'm not good. I don't deserve your kindness. You need someone who can love you, not someone…" He shook his head. "Not me…"

I watched through tear filled eyes as Jacob turned around and walked a few steps away from me. He stood there, with his back to me, for while. I could see his breathing becoming uneven just by looking at him. "Jacob…"

He tipped his head back, looking up at the sky. "What?"

I wanted to know what exactly happened to him to screw him up so badly. Jacob was a good man that deserved love just as much as the next guy. He just was forced to suffer through a series of horrendous events that eventually took their toll on his mind. "What… happened to you…?"

"I don't know…"

I wanted to say more, to try to help him, but I couldn't say anything I hadn't already said time and time again. "You know Jacob, I need to go home." I had been gone since the wedding when Jacob and I both rook off running.

Jacob turned around to me. "What?"

"I need to go home. Mom's probably worried about me." I laughed, trying to lighten this rather dreary mood. "I was last seen going into the Cullen house, my mom probably thinks I'm trapped inside, or something."

He smiled slightly. "Yeah, your mom doesn't like the Cullens very much."

"Not at all." Truth be told, I needed to go home so Leah could know I was still alive. I assumed Sam told her I ran off after Jacob. She knew what Jacob was capable of doing to me if he wasn't in his right state of mind. I walked over to Jacob, placing my hand on his shoulder. "I'll see you again?"

He stared at the ground and nodded his head.

"Ok." I walked over to the edge of the trees, smiling to myself. Jacob made excellent headway in the past day. I was pretty optimistic as to him staying sane.

"Wait…"

I stopped walking and turned to Jacob. "Yeah?"

His back was still facing me. "I umm… I…"

I walked back over to him, placing my hand on his back. "What's on your mind, Jake?"

"I…" Jacob looked me in the eyes. "I don't want to be alone…"

I wasn't expecting that. Jacob had lived the past month or so by himself, so it was strange to me that he would want company. "Why?" Not that I was complaining he wanted to spend time with me.

His eyebrows furrowed as he looked down at the ground. "I lost myself when I was alone."

I must've looked like an idiot with how wide my eyes became. "Oh. Umm… Do you want me to walk with you to your dad's house?"

Jacob shook his head. "I don't want to go there. Can I… go home with you? You were the only one who cared about me when I ran away and…"

"Yes. You can come with me." I quickly looked him up and down, realizing we were both still naked. "Do you think you can fit into some of my clothes?"

"I'm sure I could." I could've sworn he blushed just a little bit.

I smiled. "Alright. Let's go, then." I started walking towards the trees again, when Jacob grabbed my arm.

"Thank you."


	9. The Way He Makes Me Feel

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't concerned about Leah finding out I was bringing Jacob home. That's all I could think about on the walk back with him. Jacob seemed like a child to me. He would stay right next to me and smile at me every few minutes, only to look off in anguish.

It was a painfully long and slow walk home. I had no idea Jacob and I had run so far, it was nearly dark before I didn't need to rely solely on sense of smell to find my way home. We were walking for most of the day, but I enjoyed the time with Jacob.

When we were almost there, I stopped walking and grabbed Jacob's arm. He turned to me looking nervous. "What's wrong, Seth?"

"Leah's probably not going to be thrilled I'm taking you home with me. She's probably going to yell at you." I watched as he turned his head, his eyes squinted. "Look at me. I don't care what she says. You shouldn't either, ok?"

He nodded.

We got to my house and ran around the back. I climbed up a tree and opened my window, jumping inside, trying to be as quiet as possible. "Ok, come on Jake." I whispered to him as I waved him up.

Jacob ran up a few steps on the side of the house, grabbed a branch pulling himself up higher, before running up the tree itself, swinging from another branch through the window. I looked at him, impressed. He smiled, looking down. "I had a lot of practice getting in through Bella's window."

I walked over to my dresser and pulled out a pair of shorts that I hoped would fit Jacob, and handed them to him. "Here you go."

"Thanks." He nodded and pulled them up. They were snug, showing off Jacob's muscular frame, but they fit well enough.

I pulled on a pair of shorts myself and sat down on my bed. I looked up at Jacob, who just stood there awkwardly. "What's up, Jake?"

"It's nothing… I just… You're still being really nice to me and I'm just worried for when you realize what a monster I've been to you…" He rubbed his arm, hanging his head low.

I stood up, grabbing his shoulder with one hand and lifting his chin with the other. "Look, it's not gonna happen, alright? I'm always gonna be nice to you."

He stared deeply into my eyes and I stared back, seeing a tortured soul staring at me. No matter how badly he treated me and how badly I wanted to hate him for it, I couldn't. I loved him too much. He started to speak several times. "I… I umm…"

The door swung open, slamming into the wall causing Jacob and me to flinch. I turned around to see Leah fuming. "What is _he _doing here? Seth, you let him in the house?"

"Leah! Shut up. Now." I stood in front of Jacob, I may be smaller than him, but I'd protect him if I needed to.

She shook her head. "No, Seth!" Leah pointed at Jacob. "You… I don't even think they have a word for how sick and twisted _you _are! You raped my brother! How dare you? How dare you do such terrible things to him and waltz in here expecting no repercussions!"

"Leah!" I stepped forwards and stared into her eyes. "You will shut up. Now! So help me… I _will _shut you up myself if I have to."

Leah looked at me disgusted. "What has he done to you? You're defending the man who…" She shook her head slowly. "You know what? I don't care. You wanna fuck your life up more by continuing to allow him to fuck _you_ up, fine. Whatever. Don't come crying to me when he rapes you and leaves you for dead." With that she left the room, slamming the door shut behind her.

I could feel my body trembling. I was furious. The heat in my chest was radiating outwards and I was dangerously close to phasing in the house. Then I heard a sound that immediately calmed me down and replaced my anger with concern. Sobbing. Coming from behind me.

I turned around to see Jacob on his knees, covering his face with his hands balled into fists. I knelt down next to him and put my hand on his shoulder. "Jake… I told you not to listen to her…"

He shook his head and uncovered his face, looking at me through tear filled eyes. "She's right. I ruined you… I… corrupted your innocence…"

"Jacob…"

"You never yelled… at anyone like… that before…" He inhaled deeply, trying to calm himself down. "I did terrible things to you and… I'm a monster… I shouldn't be here…"

I put my hands on the sides of his face. "Jake, I…" I smiled at him. " I want you here."

He grabbed on to my wrists as he looked into my eyes. "I don't even know what I made you feel… How you've suffered behind those happy eyes…"

I sighed. "Jake…" I very briefly pressed my lips to his. "I don't care."

Jacob slowly raised his fingers up to my face. He touched my lips with his index finger, staring intently. I wondered what could possibly be going through his mind, as he moved his fingers to his own lips, a certain fascination about him. "I don't understand…"

"What? What don't you understand?"

He placed his hand on my chest. "Why do you care so much about me?"

I shook my head and pulled him close to me. I hugged him tightly as he slowly wrapped his arms around me, rubbing his head against my own. "Jacob… Don't worry about the 'why' or the 'how'. Please. Just know that I do. I do care about you."

We remained hugging for a few minutes, our minds thinking of different things. Maybe thinking the same things. Eventually, Jacob stood up, looking sad. "I guess I should go. I don't want to be the cause of a fight between you and Leah." He turned towards the window.

I stoop up and grabbed his arm, turning him back to me. "Stay with me? Please…?" I wanted so badly to be near Jacob. I wanted to take advantage of as much of his sanity as I could. I had been denied love from him for so long and I wanted something, anything. As long as it was from him.

He looked into my eyes as he thought. He thought for a few minutes before nodding. "I will make everything up to you somehow, Seth."

I grabbed his hands and held them in my own. "Staying here with me tonight is as good a start as any."

Jacob looked down at our hands and squeezed mine tightly. "I don't think this counts."

"Why not?"

He smiled softly. "Because I want to stay here. So it's not something I'm doing just for you."

I let go of one of his hands and brought it to the side of his head, rubbing his ear lobe with my thumb. "You never have to be alone again, Jacob. I'll always be here to keep you safe. You won't disappear again."

His bottom lip quivered slightly as he smiled at me.


	10. Empty Promises

I woke up to an empty bed. Sitting up, I frantically searched my room for Jacob. My room wasn't very big so my over exaggerated looking really wasn't necessary.

I laid back in my bed, running my hands through my hair. The last I knew, Jacob was sleeping soundly in my bed with me. Our bodies were intertwined and it truly felt like we were getting somewhere in the crappy situation I want to call our relationship.

I let out a deep sigh missing his warmth right by my side. I didn't even know when Jacob had left. Did he wait until I fell asleep to run off? Or did he just wake up before me? Either way it was upsetting.

"What're you all depressed about?" Jacob's glorious voice filled my room.

I looked over to the source to see him climbing through the window, holding a box. He had a slight smile on his face when he saw how I looked at him.

"I take it you missed me?" He laughed softly, such a wonderful sound to hear. "Sorry I wasn't here when you woke up, I wanted to get you some breakfast to… I guess repay you for being so nice to me."

"Thanks." I smiled, getting out of bed to walk over to him. I headed straight for him and wrapped my arms around his chest, holding his body tightly to mine. I'm not entirely sure why I did that, I just needed his closeness.

"Uhh… Alright." Jacob laughed again and wrapped one arm around me. "You're gonna need to let go if you want to eat donuts."

We both sat there on my bed, eating donuts, talking, and just having an all around great time. It was such a drastic change in Jacob's behavior, I didn't know what to do with myself. I was so grateful.

"That was good Jacob, thank you." I smiled at him.

He shook his head. "Don't mention it. It was the least I could do. Like literally the very least I could do to make it up to you." He laughed, laying back on my bed, putting his arms behind his head.

I turned my head just to look at him. Such a peaceful expression was covering all of his features, if you saw him you wouldn't know he was the same guy as the one who… Well, you know.

Jacob opened his eyes and looked at me. A soft smile played at the corner of his lips as we stared at each other. "Seth, can I ask you something?"

I nodded. "Of course."

"What's it like being imprinted?"

That's when it hit me. Only I had imprinted. I imprinted on Jacob, but he didn't in return. My mind instantly thought of how this could turn into a horrible situation like the one Leah is in.

What if Jacob imprints on someone else? What happens to me?

I shook my head trying to get rid of the thoughts. If it were to happen, I should enjoy the time I have. "It's the best feeling in the world. You know that. I knew what it was like before I ever imprinted. Thanks to Sam and Jared and everyone else who's done it."

"I know that, but I never really asked them about it. Most of their thoughts when we were running patrols were about how badly they wanted to go home to have sex with their imprints." He chuckled. "I wanted to know what _you_ feel about being imprinted anyway."

Sex?

The closest I got to sex with my imprint was being raped. It's a horrible thing to think about, your imprint using you like that.

Besides, we never _actually_ had sex. Everything we did was oral.

"It's… complicated." I shrugged.

I didn't want to tell Jacob how horrible he made me feel. How I would go home and sit in the shower for hours trying to wash myself clean. How I cut myself to relieve the pain.

But seeing him here with me now, in my room, with that smile on his face, I truly am grateful I imprinted. There is no feeling in the world quite like having your imprint be happy.

"Because of how I treated you, right?" Jacob stared at me through his big, sorrowful eyes. I could truly see that he felt bad for what he did.

I looked back at him, trying to decide whether or not to lie. If I lied, he would probably just call me out on it or freak out asking why I still love him even with everything he did. If I told the truth, it would hurt him.

But lying would always make it worse.

I nodded, not knowing what I could say.

He nodded in return, surprisingly holding his composure quite well. "I'm sorry…"

"I know you are Jacob. That's why being imprinted on you feels so good. Because I know you truly feel bad for what you did." I smiled.

He sat up, scooting closer to me and stared deeply into my eyes. "I don't know if I really know what love is… But I know I can't accept yours, not yet anyway… But I will try to earn it…" He softly pressed his lips to mine.

I kept my eyes open, still not used to him being so soft and loving with me, and what I saw was him squeezing his eyes shut as our lips locked. I pulled back from the kiss to talk to him. "Jake… You don't have to kiss me if you don't want to. You don't have to be gay just because I imprinted on you… I could always be your friend…"

Jacob must've seen the pain in my eyes as I said that, because he gently brushed his fingers across my cheek. "I know you want more than that…"

I nodded again, slowly. "I do… But I'm whatever you want me to be, Jake. That's what the imprinter does."

Jacob leaned back on his arms, looking up at the ceiling. "I wonder…" He shook his head. "Nah never mind."

"What? What's on your mind?"

He sighed. "I wonder why I didn't imprint back on you. I mean, imprints are supposed to be like made for each other, right?"

"The person who imprints becomes whatever the imprint needs them to be. Most of them need them as lovers, that doesn't mean you have to." As much as it pained me to say, it had to be said.

"Seth, what if I imprint on someone else?"

There it was. The one thing I never wanted to think about.

I knew Jacob hadn't imprinted on me when I did on him. There would be no way he would've treated me the way he did, had he have.

"I don't know. I guess you become whatever that person needs you to be." I laid back in bed.

"Seth, I promise you, even if I do imprint on someone else, you will always come first. At least until I've made everything up to you." Jacob laid right next to me, his body toughing mine. "But I hope I never do. I couldn't stand doing that to you."

As much as those words meant to me, and how much I wanted to believe them, I know he couldn't promise that.


	11. New Beginning

"Jacob come on!" I was gripping his arm trying to pry him off of my bed. I could compare how futile that was with trying to pull a tractor trailer with your hands. "We're gonna be late!"

Jacob groaned and pulled his arm right out of my grip, knocking me off balance and I fell to my knees at his feet before him. "No Seth. I don't want to go. Everyone hates me."

I felt a pang of sadness in my chest. "They don't hate you Jake." I pursed my lips and looked up at him. "Well… Leah might hate you."

He rolled his eyes and stood up, his hip bone hit my face, knocking me backwards onto my ass. I looked up at him as he shook his head. "Leah hates me, Sam hates me, I'd be an idiot if I didn't say Quil and Embry definitely hate me."

"Why? Why does Sam hate you? And Quil and Embry? Why do they hate you?" I stood up and I was still forced to look up to meet his eyes. Jacob stood a good eight inches taller than me.

I watched as his eyebrows furrowed, pain covering his face. "The better question is why don't _you_ hate me? All the stuff I did to you. The beating, the-"

"Jacob! Shut. Up. For the love of God, keep your God damn mouth shut! I don't want to hear it! I'm tired of this little pity party shit you keep dwelling in! You spiral downward in a self-destructive… spiral!" I glared at Jacob, roughly poking him in his chest with every exclamatory remark I made. "Why are YOU acting like YOU're the miserable one. Let's go back to me for a second, you know what? Fine. Oh boo hoo, poor me. I got beaten and raped."

Jacob's eyes were wide with shock as he opened his mouth to speak, which was quickly covered by my hand.

"I said shut up! My turn to talk! Where was I? Oh right." I put the back of my free hand on my forehead and sighed over dramatically. "Woe is me… I am so miserable… I was beaten and all of that other shit! I don't care Jacob!"

He just nodded slowly. His mouth opened a few times as if to speak but nothing came out. Jacob sat back onto my bed and inhaled deeply. "Ok, you win. I'll go."

I shook my head. "I don't even care anymore. Just tell me you'll let go of this. That you'll let yourself accept that I imprinted on you. That I love you no matter what. That we can make it through all this."

Jacob's big dark brown eyes stared up at me. I couldn't figure out the emotions hidden in his face. I took the silence to stare at him, I stared at his beautiful features, from the dark black hair down to his oversized feet. Everything about him was beautiful. I loved this man from head to toe and would do anything for him.

It's always been like that though. I had always loved Jacob. He was my friend when we were younger, though he is a few years older than me. In elementary school he would protect me from bullies. There was one time that This big dumb kid had be lifted up by my shirt pressed against the locker. I was scared shitless until the next thing I knew Jacob tackled the guy to the ground and started punching his face in.

Jacob was suspended for quite some time after that. No one picked on me for being so small or tried to take my lunch money since then. They were probably all afraid that Jacob would rearrange their faces like he did to that kid.

Once Jacob had moved up to his high school years, we stopped being as good of friends. He didn't walk me home as much anymore. He started hanging out with Quil and Embry.

And then he completely dropped out of school and I saw him hanging out with Sam and his "gang".

When I phased for the first time, Jacob was there when I regained consciousness. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, smiling down at me and said "Welcome to the pack, brother."

From that point on Jacob and I had hung out a lot. We became better friends after I joined the pack too, I had looked up to him even more at that point. Jacob was a strong and fast wolf who handled things like it's nobodies business.

He saved me a few times as a wolf too.

"Seth."

I shook my head, bringing myself out of my silent reverie and looked at Jacob sitting on my bed. "What?"

"Did you hear what I said?" He tilted his head and chuckled softly. "You looked like you were a mile away."

"Sorry, I was completely lost in thought." I blushed slightly and rubbed the back of my head. "What did you say?"

Jacob stood up, wrapping his huge arms around me, pulling me against his warm chest. He rested his chin on my head and spoke softly. "I said that we're good. It's just you and me now, no more talks about… Hmm… I don't remember what I was going to say…"

I chuckled and leaned my head against his large chest, inhaling his scent. He smelled musky and woodsy. "That's what I thought."

Jacob let me go and grinned at me. "I suppose we should get going to this party, huh?"

I nodded and grinned back at him. It felt so good to just be happy with Jacob. "Yeah we should, everyone has been waiting!"

He rolled his eyes and laughed. "Oh great. Now there's gonna be no food left for us!" His husky laughter filled my bedroom as he walked out of my room into the hallway.

With a quick grin and I followed behind Jacob and jumped up onto his back once we got outside, pointing my hand forward. "Mush!"

Jacob laughed again and wrapped his arms around my legs, sprinting off towards the beach.


	12. Fate Is A Cruel Bitch

Well damn! I'm alive!

Sorry about being MIA for so long. I've just lost all motivation to write anymore and it sucks. The only reason this chapter even exists is because I sat down and forced myself to write. So forgive me if this chapter isn't any good. I noticed while reading stories of people such as hopelessromantic5, my chapters are WAY too short. Sorry... T_T

I'm making no promises about when the next chapter will come around, but I hope it's soon. I'm so sorry for the delays. :[

**JACOB'S POV**

"Maybe they'll say she was in a car crash. Or tripped and fell off a cliff." I stared out into the ocean as thoughts of Bella flooded my mind. I watched as the waves colored grey by the grey overcast of every single day in La Push, crested and broke against the sandy coastline, washing away the footprints of my pack brothers as they kick a soccer ball back and forth across the beach in a makeshift game of soccer.

I knew Seth didn't want to hear me talk about Bella. I knew he would rather never hear me talk about her again. But I couldn't help it. Embry brought it up. He should've known better than to bring up the hot topic of Bella's soon-to-be 'death'. I could feel my grip on sanity slipping as images of her smiling face pierced my mind. There was no escaping her. I couldn't stand to think about what _he_ was doing to her.

Sick, twisted images started to traverse my brain. Flashes of him on top of her, crushing her to death from his vampire strength as he plows into her over and over. I gritted my teeth as I continued to torture myself with these thoughts.

Even if he didn't fuck her to death, he'd still kill her. He'd sink his teeth into her soft, supple skin, injecting her with his vicious poison, sucking the very life he claims to love so much from her. Turning her into one of _them_.

A small smirk played at the corners of my lips. "At least I'll get one thing out of it." I let my mind wander as I thought about tearing him apart piece by piece, sinking my razor sharp teeth into his cold, stony body, watching him writhe in agony under the crushing force of my wolf jaw.

"No you won't." Sam's voice interrupted my musings. His annoying voice cut through my 'happy place', forcing me to snap back to reality. "Cullens are not a danger to the town or the tribe." He couldn't be serious. It had to be a cruel sick joke. Sam was taking away the one thing I held dear to me. My revenge.

"Well he's either gonna kill her or change her." I shot daggers at Sam, staring into his eyes. "And the treaty says−"

"I say, Jacob." He dared to interrupt me once more, this time while I was speaking. "I say." What I wouldn't give to leap across the sand and drive my fist straight into his smug face. Sam turned and ran off to continue the game.

I sighed heavily, my hands clenching into fists and relaxing over and over before Embry finally spoke. "You know if you wanted things different, you should've become Alpha."

There it was. One of my biggest mistakes. I turned down my right to be Alpha when I phased for the first time. Sam seemed to know what he was doing, so I decided to let him keep the reigns. "Turning it down seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Jake…" Seth spoke quietly. I had forgotten he was even here. I turned to look at Seth sorrow all over my face. I knew I promised Seth I'd let it go. I'd move on and try to be happy with him. But it's a lot harder than you think. For some unexplainable reason, I was drawn to Bella. "You really think you could kill Bella if she comes back a vampire?"

I opened my mouth to speak but was cut off by Seth's bitch of a sister. God, how I hated her. "No. He'd make one of us do it and hold a grudge against−"

At that point I was done listening to what she had to say. My turn to interrupt people. "Oh shut up Leah." Seth stood up and walked away. I knew he hated to listen to me and Leah go back and forth. I watched as he walked to the water where Quil was playing with his imprint, Claire.

"Would you just get over it?" I hated her voice. It sounded like someone was dragging their nails down a chalkboard every time she spoke. "It's not like you imprinted on her."

Cool salty air filled my lungs as I took a deep breath through my nose. Imprinting. I hated it. I hated everything about it. If it didn't exist, we'd all be so much happier.

"At least they seem happy." I looked at Embry who was staring off into the distance as he spoke. Following the trail of his eyes, I saw the other half of the pack laying in the sand with their imprints. I despised all of them. Sam with Emily. Jared with Kim. Paul with my sister, Rachel, of all people. "Some people are just lucky I guess."

"Lucky?" I spoke, turning my head to see Seth standing knee deep in the water with Quil and his two year old imprint. What a twisted sense of humor fate has. "None of them belong to themselves anymore."

Seth turned his head from watching Quil and Claire to look at me from across the beach. His face lit up as he made eye contact with me and waved happily. "And the sickest part is…" I glanced at Embry, softly waving back at Seth. "Their gene's tell them they're happy about it."

"At least if you imprinted on someone, you'd finally forget about Bella." For once Leah had a point. If I could just imprint on someone, all my feelings for Bella would vanish. My eyes flickered back to Seth. Why didn't I imprint back on him? Am I fated to be miserable, pining after a girl who uses me, for the rest of my life while I stupidly ignore the one person who truly cares about my happiness more than his own life?

I know Seth would give his life for me. He would spend every waking moment trying to make me happy. That's what imprinters do. They forfeit their lives for someone else. And they think they're happy because of it.

"I mean, being any kind of happy is better than being miserable about someone you can't have." I looked again at Leah who was staring at Sam and Emily. Leah and Sam used to be in love. They were damn near getting engaged from what I've heard. And then Leah and Seth's cousin, Emily, came to visit.

Leah and I were a lot alike. We both so desperately wanted someone that all the Gods won't let us have. For whatever reason, Bella wants Edward over me and fate forced Sam to want Emily over Leah.

I turned to face the ocean. I watched Seth as he splashed in the water, entertaining Claire while Quil nearly had a heart attack from her being up to her waist in the water. Seth was in a worse position than any of us. He imprinted on me and I used him. I used him worse than Bella used me and he forgives me.

His fate forces him to forgive me and he thinks he's happier for it.


	13. Story is set to continue

This used to be a chapter explaining how Fanfiction was being censored and since people reviewed that chapter, I'm just replacing it with this one so that way my next chapter of actually story content can be reviewed properly.


	14. I Can Kiss Away The Pain

**SETH'S POV**

"Hell no! I'm not gonna let you take me out to eat! Whoever does the taking out is the man in the relationship, and Seth…" Jacob smirked and chuckled softly. "Between you and me, I'm about a billion percent more man than you."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes, unable to stop myself from smiling. "Oh please. Just because you're a little more muscular than I am doesn't−"

"'A little?'" He roared with laughter before immediately flexing his chest and arms. "Do you see these muscles?" Jacob raised his arms and really flexed his biceps, the fabric of his T-shit nearly ripping from his bulging muscles.

I pursed my lips as I watched his shirt stretch to its limits around his biceps. "Yeah well not everyone uses steroids, Jake. Those are bad for you, y'know."

He rolled his eyes before peeling his shirt off throwing it in my face. After I moved the marvelously smelling fabric from my head, my eyes widened. Jacob was even more muscular than the last time I saw him. His biceps were nearly the size of my head, his pecs were massive and well defined. Nothing was more defined than the mountains and valleys of his eight pack abs though. The slight 'V' of muscle leading into his shorts was immaculate. Everything about Jacob screamed 'man'.

"Ok. You win. You are definitely the man." I nodded firmly before grinning.

The sound of Jacob's booming laughter filled my room. "That's what I thought."

A smile was plastered all over my face.

"But that reminds me…" I sighed as Jacob spoke, my eyes falling to the floor when his voice changed from happy to serious. I felt the heat radiating from his body as he stepped in close to me, tipping my head up with a single finger. "Doesn't the dominant usually imprint on the submissive?"

It was my turn to roar with laughter. "Yes. That is how it goes. Now, face down ass up, bitch! That's the way I like to fuck!"

"Seth! Don't make me come upstairs! There will be none of that in my house!" I blushed heavily as my mom yelled at me from downstairs.

"Apparently she heard that…" I sighed as Jacob rolled around on the floor laughing incredibly hard. "Shut up Jacob!"

He smirked and wiped a tear from his eye. "Sorry sorry. But that was hysterical." Jacob stood up and towered over me once more. The height difference between us was staggering, he was well over a foot taller than me. And I'm not short. "Besides… You know you would much rather take a ride on my footlong anyway." He waggled his eyebrows and thrusted his hips at me all while laughing.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, and Jacob stopped thrusting against me, his smile slowly fading.

"Seth… You know why we can't do that…"

"No, I don't Jacob. I don't get it." I looked into his eyes. "We've been 'dating' for a while now and we barely even kiss! I mean, I get that you're still a little iffy on the whole gay thing. And I get it, I really do. But come on! You gotta at least want a blow job or something!"

"SETH!" My mom's voice came from downstairs again. I wished my room was more soundproof.

"Sorry!" I huffed and sat on my bed, crossing my arms over my chest. I knew I looked like a pouting child, but every time we even joked about sex or anything sexual Jacob started freaking out about it.

My bed dipped further as Jacob sat beside me. He places his hand on my leg and leaned against me, nuzzling his nose on my neck. "Stop pouting Seth…" His hot breath washed over my neck as he spoke. "Can you just listen to my reasons?"

With a sigh I nodded my head. I needed to understand why Jacob was so against anything sexual with me.

He smiled softly against my skin. "I just need some time… We've been getting closer every day Seth. You know that as well as I do. But… the things I did to you…"

"Jake, you said you'd let that−"

"I did. I let it go. What happened between us doesn't matter anymore, but you have to realize that especially if you were to give me a blow job, it would bring all of that back to the front of my mind. That's what I forced you to do to me Seth…" Jacob's warm hand turned my head to face him. I saw tears in his eyes. "I forcibly raped your mouth…" His long finger trailed over my lips. "This beautiful mouth… I fouled it."

Images of those nights flashed through my mind. Jacob, no not Jacob… The monster that was Jacob, shoving me onto my knees as I was forced to choke on his enormous length. The hateful words and beatings I endured for not 'cleaning the mess'. That wasn't the worst part of it sadly. "Jake… I need to tell you what went through my mind during all of that…"

Jacob swallowed hard, a tear rolling down his cheek as he nodded.

"What you did to me wasn't as bad as what you would mumble under your breath…" I watched as Jacob's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Throughout the entire… _process_ you would… You moaned Bella's name… You imagined her instead of me. I was a placeholder for who you wished was on their knees for you. _That's_what hurt me the most. That I wasn't even there in your mind."

He leaned forwards, ever so softly brushing his lips over mine. I felt his hot breath on my lips as we stayed like that for several seconds before Jacob leaned into the kiss. It wasn't romance. It wasn't lust. The kiss was filled with sorrow.

We had no words to say. Words couldn't possibly begin to explain what happened to between us during that kiss. I could feel Jacob begging for forgiveness, begging for a chance to prove himself to me. Proving that he could make it all up to me.

The kiss changed from being filled with pain to hope. The hope for a better future for us. As Jacob's hand cupped my cheek, I felt tenderness I never experienced before. He pulled my body against his, his warm flesh against me explaining things in a way words can't.

There's no way to describe how or why, but the kiss we shared changed us. Shaped us from worn out, ragged, broken hearts to what I could only call lovers. But what did I know, I never experienced love before.

As soon as the kiss began, it ended. Jacob pulled back slightly, leaning his forehead against mine. We stared into each other's eyes for what seemed like forever before he spoke. "I'm sorry for using you, but Seth… You are definitely in my thoughts now."

I thought that was an incredibly profound moment for us. It was incredible that Jacob told me I was in his thoughts the way Bella was.

That was until he grabbed my hand and put it on his crotch.

"God damn it Jake!" I stood up and laughed. "That was a really special moment for me! And you ruined it!"

Jacob smiled and shrugged. "It was getting a little too awkward for me. You know I'm not too good with the whole emotion thing! I'm better explaining it like this." He stood up and I felt something poking my stomach, my eyes trailed down his chest to see his shorts nearly busting open from how strained they were trying to conceal his erection. "This was caused by you. It's not some heartfelt monologue sadly, I'm no Shakespeare, but I'm gonna explain it my way. Work with me."

I chuckled a bit and looked back up at him, loving the slight smirk on his face.

"_You_caused this Seth. You were all I thought about as we kissed. I felt need and want and passion and desire and well, fucking love!" He laughed, running a hand through his hair. "I love you Seth. With all of my heart."

A sharp breath filled my lungs as his words hit my ears. My life made sense. My Jacob loved me back. I couldn't find the words to speak for a few minutes. I was too taken aback by Jacob's confession of love. Jacob Black. Loved me.

The man who every girl on the rez and even several guys would die to be with, loved me.

The man who abused and beat me several times. But that didn't matter anymore.

And it will never matter again.

"I love you, Jake. I… I…" I felt Jacob's warm thumbs wiping away tears from my eyes. I leaned up on my toes and he smiled, leaning down to me, our lips touching once more in a kiss that was between lovers.

After several long moments in the kiss, Jacob pulled back once more, his forehead against mine. "I love you Seth." I would never get tired of hearing those words leave his lips. "I love you and so does my dick."

I let out an exasperated sigh and shoved Jacob off of me, unable to hide the smile on my lips. "God damn it, Jacob! You ruined another moment!"


End file.
